April 22, 2008

[being mama]

you know when you're first expecting a child, they tell you that you will feel a love for him/her that you've never experienced before. And it was true! When G arrived in our lives, we loved her, with the very core of our being... it sounds really corny, but i suppose it really is a different league of love. now the other thing that is equally strong, equally constant, and felt with the most acute and nagging pain, is that of guilt. Yup, nobody told me about that one! i never realised the sort of guilt that exists until i became a mother. it's the single other emotion other than love that is always present - the guilt of not spending enough time with them; not knowing if you've done enough for them; guilty for wanting to not spend 24hrs of your time with them; guilty for scolding them too harshly.... Last weekend, little K somehow rolled off the bed in the wee hours of the morning. I still keep having lots of horrible guilty 'what ifs' thoughts about it..... i think we never forget the experience, the very sound of her falling off is permanently etched in my memory. Luckily she is okay, although i'm sure we will be attributing all the little things that crop up to this incident.... wondering all the time if it had damaged her growth in any way.

Some pictures to share of the 2 over the weekend..... K has now started to sit unsupported! But she still falls over quite easily, so we're careful abt putting her upright. As always, she's always such an adorable smiley baby... she especially loves G doing the "on the knee" song and just laughs out loud when G plays with her.

There were tons of the kit leftover for lots more projects and LOs after my DT assignments for SOMO this month, so i created a few more for the family....
O and these arrived! Pure Merino Wool..... don't you just love the colours! :)


Creative B Bee said...

Love to read yr blog.

Marr said...

Hugs to you , my dear. Can totally empathize with the guilt. Just now, Seth roll off the bed! it was really a bad fall and we suspected he fell flat on his face, as his mouth was bleeding, big bump on his right forehead. So guilty about it, that the precaution wasn't taken to ensure that he would not fall hard onto the floor. Now all the worries of the afer-effects of the fall.

Like the LO on G's haircut. I can never get a good photo of Seth's haircut. geez..

lialuvsblythes said...

Awwww .... *hugs* *hugs* I know no words could erase that image from your mind. But do know that you're a good mama ... this experience just prepares you for future falls, not just off the bed! :) She's a toughie, and I'm sure knowing that you and V will be there to soothe her pains and comfort her no matter what happens and no matter how old she is ... makes it alllll good! *hugs*

ps: love Gracie's new hair!!!

Anonymous said...

I completely understand the guilt. Both with physical things like falls and the less tangible issues as well. Non-mothers make comments about well my mom did ____ and I turned out just fine. Well, that simply isn't good enough for me. There's always the chance. On the other hand, you can only do so much.

Love the roving! Any chance that's for a certain swap going on? ;-)

jacQ said...

heh heh, thanks all 4 yr comments. Marr- hugs to seth, is he paranoid about sleepin now? I suspect k is. :( 3sneakybugs- yup, it's in preparation 4 the swap! :)